Lest anyone should think, after my last post, that my vacation dreams take second place to my husband's, let me assure you otherwise. We make decisions together. Because he loves boating and I love him, I'm thrilled that he has a boat. Because I love Europe and he loves me, I've been to Paris three times.
We live in an amazing part of the world and I'm thrilled to explore it with him. I'm excited about going to remote areas accessible only by boat to see fjords and mountains, waterfalls and running tides. To sit in silence and hear the loons call at night in a quiet anchorage, while I'm lulled to sleep by the rocking waves. It's no sacrifice for me. Nor is going to Europe one for him. We respect each other's dreams and plan ways to make them both work.
I did a quick search on the words "compromise and dreams" before writing this post. Without fail the advice was "never compromise." So I ask myself, and you, is it compromise to see another's dream fulfilled while yours waits awhile in the wings? Is compromise giving up a dream? Is compromise a weak and nasty word, or a bridge between two widely differing viewpoints?
I'd want to know if the compromise is mutual and respectful, if there's a long-term and a short-term strategy. If one partner's goals are always pushed to the long-term side of the page, that's a problem. But if a compromise can suit both, I don't see why trade-offs can't be made. From the little that I know of you, it seems very clear that your husband respects you and your dreams, and that he reciprocates the concessions you might make. I can't see "compromise" as a dirty word, myself.
ReplyDeleteMarriage and friendships are both compromise at times because each person thinks differently. Sometimes not fun, but in the end we learn from each other and move forward.
ReplyDeleteI think your way of handling this works for you and your husband and that is the most important thing! It sounds as if you are mutually caring for each other and your dreams.
ReplyDeleteRight now we have kids in the home still so some of our dreams are still unfulfilled, but we enjoy other things with our kids right now that are not a sacrifice at all!
Deanna
To me the Googled phrase refers to not giving up on your dreams,but making sure that you do get to live them. Marriage is a blend of two people, and if both give, and take a little then there is no compromise is there, just two people helping each other live their dreams. Each will get what they want, and need, and there is always enough for both.
ReplyDeleteThat's one beauty of a boat...enjoy.
Jen
I think those who never compromise might reach their dreams, but probably alone.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right
DeleteLife without compromise sounds pretty selfish to me....... And a marriage without compromise ? Can't imagine it would last
DeleteI agree with this, too. Life is all about compromise....we need to stay flexible and live each day to the fullest.
DeleteWhere there is love there will be willing compromise.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Lorrie!
ReplyDeleteI think good marriages are based on compromise - it's not at all a nasty word unless one is totally selfish.
I also agree with Cristal - she said it better than me!
I wonder where she gets that from?!!!
Marriage, and relationships are all about give and take and if a couple finds a balance, then happiness should prevail.
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting discussion between this post and your last. This could echo our discussions and future plans. The farmer dreams of fishing with his son and brothers all through the winter and I dream of trips to Europe. He has finally agreed to go for a month to Europe to experience what I've experienced there on three different trips. I'm hoping that he will enjoy it! I have experienced sailing in coastal waters and loved that but I find sitting in the boat waiting for the fish to bite less exciting and I'm so glad he likes to fish with the men. Enjoy your summer and I'll look forward to seeing your pictures!
ReplyDeleteI would define compromise as 'true love'. The opportunity to help each other follow their dreams shows the true caring for each other. xx
ReplyDeleteThis is beautifully expressed my friend! Can I quote you? Sweet hugs!
DeleteIt sounds to me like loving joyfully and the maturity of two who have loved and walked life's journey together for a good while.
ReplyDeleteAre we allowed to say we haven't gotten all of this figured out yet? My dream would be to travel to Italy but my husband doesn't want to fly. It's not really an issue because we are both having fun exploring Florida...and also dream of other driving vacations that we want to take. Do I forget about Italy? No, I don't think so. But it can wait. I'm a dreamer....and have lots and lots of dreams and ideas and like any woman....they are always changing, too! heehee! Great subject and good comments, too! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI like the bridge between two widely differing viewpoints, and it doesn't even have to be widely differing viewpoints - sometimes compromise is in the little things too - which restaurant to eat at - which color to paint the shutters, where to go? The ocean or the woods? I think that the art of compromise is well used in a good marriage - sometimes giving Don the pleasure of his choice makes me as happy as having my own choice - that is the stuff of long lasting marriages - or any relationship. I like your description of the boat trips - that is my choice, and Don is a dedicated land lubber from the midwest, but he compromises and then I do the same. Makes us both happy.
ReplyDeleteI think compromise is about love. If we never compromise, what kind of relationship would we have? And if we agreed on everything.. well, like someone said, one of us would be unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteLorrie, compromises are necessary in a marriage. Compromises also show that you love each other. As you see from my blog, we have a gorgeous farm. It was nice when we bought it, but we have added a lot to it. I am actually a big city girl and I love to travel. If you asked me 20 years ago, what do I want to do when I am in my 50s, I would have said to you "live in New York City and travel around the world." But my hubby is a farmer-wanna-be. Over the years, I realized how important a quiet country life is to him. I didn't know how to deal with this vast difference between us. One day, I came across a great advice. The gist of this advice is if there is something that is extremely important to your spouse, go along with it. But, that doesn't mean you have to give up your identity. I wasn't quite sure what that meant. But, when Bob wanted to buy Cedarmere Farm, I agreed because I knew he had found his dream farm. I love to garden and take pictures of nature so I decided to create some gardens around the farm. Before long, we have beautiful gardens all around us. Knowing that I am also obsessed with water, my husband agreed to let me build a huge pond and a gigantic waterfall (you can see the pond and waterfall in my blog). Not long after these gardens and water features took shape, beautiful wildlife arrived (you should see the dragonflies and damselflies that visit us every year). And not long after that, my blog joined the blog world. I am now obsessed with our farm. My husband would occasionally say to me teasingly "I thought this farm was mine!" This farm has brought us much closer and it will keep us close for a long time. There is always something fun we want to add to it. We are renovating our smokehouse (will have a post on this later). We also have a really big plan for this farm, but I won't tell you about it now because it will take at least 2 years to realize it. Until then ....
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